


Always Have Faith

by garrisonbabe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Headcanon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2012-10-15
Packaged: 2017-11-16 09:31:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garrisonbabe/pseuds/garrisonbabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel confronts Dean about his betrayal, showing his friend that everything isn't all that it appears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Have Faith

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt has been bugging me for a few days, I finally managed to get it written out. Let me know what you think.
> 
> I own nothing, everything is property of Kripke... that rhymed, hm.

Dean woke up with a groan, looking around the angel-proofed house and pointedly _not_ thinking about why those sigils had been drawn. He sat up and scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling the snap and buzz in the air before he heard the wings. His stomach tightened and he fought not to vomit as Castiel appeared in front of him, panic clearly written on his face. Before he could stop it there were fingers on his forehead and they were moved. He glanced around to find himself in a hotel room, a little nicer than the ones he and Sam usually shared. There were sigils and other symbols written on and carved into the walls.

He felt so tired. “What do you want, Cas?”

“I brought you here to explain, Dean. To explain everything.” Dean didn’t respond, just stared at someone that looked more like a stranger than the friend he knew. “The sigils on the walls keep us from being listened to or watched. I can’t even fly out here. We’re going to have to use the door.”

“Which I’ll be doing now, thanks.” Dean wasn’t surprised when he couldn’t move his legs, but it didn’t inspire anger like it usually would, just more exhaustion. “Fine, explain away, as if there’s a fucking excuse for what you did.” That was when the anger finally caught up with him, old and familiar. “Actually, before you explain can I just say how fucking disappointed I am? Because I trusted you. I…” Dean stopped for a moment, grinding his teeth while deciding if he should admit everything or not. He wanted to hurt Castiel, just as much as he’d been hurt, so honesty was the best policy. Castiel lied to him, so Dean would use the truth to sting him right back. “When you first saw me you told me I didn’t have faith. I didn’t. Still don’t. Not in God or in your dick brothers. You know who I did have faith in, though?” He saw Castiel’s eyes widening, shock washing over his features. “Yeah, you, but not anymore. You fucking liar. Now I know better, don’t I?”

Tears welled up in Castiel’s eyes and he wiped his fingers against them, glaring at the water on his skin. “That’s why I need to explain. I know I betrayed you, I admit that, but please. Let me tell you everything. This… it isn’t what it looks like. Please, Dean. I haven’t done everything you think I have. I just… I am begging you, Dean. I will be completely honest, whatever questions you ask, I will answer.”

Dean wanted to say he didn’t want it, he didn’t want anything from Castiel anymore. Nothing Castiel could say would change what he did. He was curious, though, and even if it would be the death of him he must always sate his curiosity. “Fine, you can start with this deal you made with Crowley, what the fuck are you thinking?”

Castiel actually smirked and Dean was thrown for a loop. Where the hell did that come from? “I’m learning from you.” Cas put his hand up to keep Dean from interrupting. “When Crowley came to me, I was watching you. I was going to ask for your help, despite everything you gave because if I had any chance of saving Heaven and Earth I needed you. I needed my friend. Crowley showed up and presumed to make me an offer. I went to speak with him, not with the intention of accepting, but with the intention of finding out his plans so that when I did ask you for help we wouldn’t be caught in a two-front war with only half the information we needed.”

Dean raised one brow. “Okay, so what changed?” He tapped a toe and realized that Cas wasn’t restraining him anymore. He moved across the room and sat on the couch. It was much softer than he was used to.

Castiel glanced around nervously and touched the wall, a new set of sigils being burned into the paint before he grabbed a chair to sit down across from Dean. “Sorry, I’m… paranoid. To answer your question, nothing. I know it doesn’t look like that, but if you’ll bear with me, I’ll tell you everything.”

“Yeah, we’re already doing that part, Cas, just keep going.” Dean scratched his stomach idly and thought that it’d be nice to have a beer or something. It didn’t take a second from when the thought aired for an icy beer to appear in his hand. He tipped it at Cas and pried the top off. He took a drink and, despite himself, was impressed that Cas got him his favorite. Probably trying to earn all the brownie points he could.

“Crowley told me about his plan and it alarmed me. When I was reformed at Stull I was reformed as an archangel.” Castiel paused and lowered his gaze. “I know, I should have told you that as well, but I’m trying to air everything now so you’ll understand.” He swallowed and continued. “I knew that if he was foolish enough to make the offer to me, then he would be foolish enough to make it to Raphael and one of two things would happen. One, Crowley would feel the wrath of Heaven and die or two, Raphael would accept. I couldn’t be sure which and I couldn’t risk the second happening.” Dean watched the angel and furrowed his brows, taking another drink of beer. Cas looked just as tired as Dean.

“Okay, so you’re doing this to keep Raphael from getting the souls?”

“Yes, but also Crowley. The power within Purgatory is too much. If I absorbed it my power would rise to be on par with a God. If Crowley or Raphael absorbed it…” Castiel trailed off and Dean didn’t need any scenarios to know that it would be bad all around. 

“You could have told me, Cas.”

“Dean.” His tone was patient and soft, like he was speaking with an eager child. From his point of view he probably was. “There’s a reason for all of these sigils, Dean. You’re the only one I can trust with the information I am revealing.” He paused and seemed to search Dean for something. It wasn’t clear whether or not he found it. “The ritual Crowley is going to use to open Purgatory is one I have researched and designed. I am the only one who knows what it does and how it works.”

Castiel was giving him an earnest look that meant there was more to his words than what was at face value. “Wait, what did you do?” Dean’s tone wasn’t as accusatory as before.

Cas smirked again. “I’m going to double-cross Crowley, this will make him turn to Raphael, who will likely accept his offer. They will perform the spell as I have prescribed and when Purgatory opens they will be pulled inside and sealed within, trapped.”

Dean sat up straighter, putting the empty beer bottle in his hand on the floor of the hotel room. “Wait, what?”

“That’s been the plan the entire time, I never had any intention of actually working with Crowley or taking the souls. Souls are precious and shouldn’t be abused, even those of non-humans.” Castiel’s face shifted, discomfort and pain even seeming to change the blue of his eyes. “I saw the look of betrayal on your face today, the pain and disappointment and I… I couldn’t let you stay in the dark. Crowley has always had reservations about my loyalties. He knows I will always be loyal to you and that working with him was something that didn’t fit in with my ideals. I needed it to look like I had truly betrayed you so he would trust me and ritual enough not to look too closely. If you felt betrayed then it would force him to believe me. I’m also counting on him feeling I am desperate to win the war in Heaven.”

Dean cocked an eye brow. “You’re not?”

“I am, but not by his methods. Once Raphael is sealed in Purgatory the rest of the Host will likely accept my authority. I will be the only archangel left and old habits aren’t inclined to die with my brothers. So, unless I can find some way to resurrect Gabriel…” Cas was teasing him and it put Dean at ease somehow, causing a bit of laughter to shake his chest.

Dean shook his head. “Cas, I want to believe what you’re saying, I really do. I just… I need proof.”

“Can you trust me for just a moment, Dean? Just long enough for me to prove it to you?”

Castiel’s eyes were bare; nothing hidden in them the way there was before. He was eager, hopeful, nervous and something else Dean couldn’t entirely place. Dean took a breath and nodded. “Yeah, I… I got no other choice, right?”

Cas smiled, but it was broken and sad, it wasn’t the kind of trust he wanted from Dean but it was the only kind Dean could afford. Dean’s shirt disappeared and he startled, looking again in Cas’ eyes. What was displayed in them told him not to panic, so he didn’t. The angel’s right hand fit over the scar on his left shoulder, an audible snap of electricity buzzing against his skin almost painfully before his vision whited out. Sounds and visions sifted through his mind slowly, echoing chaotically as whatever bond Cas was trying to set up stabilized. When it did he saw himself raking leaves, but from a different point of view. It registered somewhere in the background that he was seeing Castiel’s memories. His stomach felt empty, hollow as if some part of him was missing. 

_My friend, please forgive me for asking more of you. You’ve already given so much._

Crowley showed up and somehow looked different than Dean was used to. His true form seemed to rot just below the surface of his host.

Castiel walked through Hell and saw the line that Crowley made. Dean scoffed and wanted to roll his eyes, his own thoughts pushing up briefly in a critique of the new king’s style. Talk about a lack of creativity. The fact that he even had that thought disturbed him. 

_If he does this… no, I can’t allow this. What would Dean do?_

His chest ached when his name popped up. Cas’ emotions were strong, stronger than he was used to. It shocked him and he wondered if Cas even realized what that emotion was. Dean saw himself again, looking through news articles online. He wasn’t hunting actively, but he’d still look and see if anything nearby was pressing enough that he should check it out. There was a flash within the memory, like a… a revelation. 

_Dean would trap them both. Two birds with one bullet._

Dean laughed out loud, the sound echoing dully against the onslaught of memories, a smile pulling onto his face. He could see Lisa enter the room and something snagged in his stomach, jealousy, his mind provided. Well damn.

He could see through Castiel’s eyes as fifty thousand souls were absorbed, feel the guilt and apology to them, and Raphael was flung half-way to the Gates from his office, spitting blood like he’d done to Castiel. 

Dean took control momentarily to find the memory of Raphael doing that to Cas and his own emotions flooded to the top. Rage bubbled up and threatened to snap him out of the trance Cas had him under. A cool, gentle feeling prodded at him, a soothing touch. He leaned into it involuntarily before allowing Cas to take back the reins. He saw the research, Samuel Campbell doing work for Crowley. He saw Castiel at the edge of Lucifer’s cage to go in and retrieve Sam, soul and all. Sam’s soul looked battered and he could hear Castiel making comparisons. 

_It doesn’t burn at brightly as Dean’s did. I’ll need to take him to a secluded area of Heaven to repair him before I return him to Dean. He’ll want his brother back. Before this ends I may need their help anyway._

Just like before he could feel his chest aching, but there was hope and warmth there as well.

The visions faded and Dean blinked rapidly, his eyes refocusing slowly. Castiel wasn’t looking at him, instead he was staring at the beer bottle at his feet. When he examined everything again the knowledge of what Castiel shared, both in memories and especially emotions, hit him like a physical blow. He took a deep breath to steady himself. As much as he hated talking, that wasn’t something that he could just let sit. “Cas? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Castiel met his eyes then and Dean was beginning to understand a lot of Cas’ looks more than he had in the past. “I just told you—“

“You know what I mean, Cas. You… you’re in love with me.” Castiel’s entire body shifted, becoming guarded and cut off. Dean’s words from earlier echoed in his mind and he immediately felt like shit. “Cas? Talk to me, man. That’s it, isn’t it? That’s why you’ve done everything.”

The blue in Cas’ eyes was dark in the low light of the motel room and Dean was briefly reminded of taking the angel to the brothel before they trapped Raphael. He looked just as nervous. “Angels weren’t meant to feel, Dean. We were meant to serve, to obey. The love we’re supposed to feel isn’t like the love humans feel. I gripped your soul in Hell and my Grace bonded to it. Every part of me was changed, I began to air doubts that I had always had but never acknowledged. I looked at my brothers and I still loved them, I still wanted to be loyal but I couldn’t help thinking that the relationship you and Sam had was different from my own even with all its flaws. I wanted desperately to understand you and to be near you. I didn’t understand it then, but when we trapped Lucifer and Michael I thought I would have the time to. Then Raphael made the divide and started the war. All I could think was that I couldn’t let him succeed because I needed to be able to see you live your life.”

Where Dean’s thoughts had once been a litany of the ways in which Castiel had lied one thought now dominated his mind. _He didn’t betray me, he didn’t lie. I can still have faith. He's still my friend._

Cas’ eyes widened, he must have been reading Dean’s thoughts and for a second Dean thought he saw a mixture of hope and relief on his face. “Is there anything I can do to help you, Cas?”

Tears sprung up in Castiel’s eyes again, but this time Dean knew it wasn’t because of any pain. He pulled a piece of paper from the pocket of his trench coat and handed it to Dean. There was an incredibly complicated sigil drawn on it. “Continue to do as you’ve planned. Any deviation and Crowley will get suspicious. When you show up to try and stop him from opening Purgatory I need you to have this on your skin, Bobby and Sam, too. This will keep you from being pulled in with them.” Cas looked in Dean’s eyes and opened his mouth to speak before closing it again. He looked uncomfortable. “I need to ask you not to tell Sam and Bobby. If they know then Raphael and Crowley can find out and everything will be ruined. We’re safe here, but anywhere else is prone to both Heavenly observation and being spied upon by Crowley’s forces.”

Dean eyed the paper and slipped it into his jeans pocket before nodding. “Yeah, yeah all right. Can I have my shirt back?” His shirt was back on his body and Dean stared at his friend for a moment, relief washing over him that Castiel truly was still his friend. _My loyalty wasn’t wasted after all._

If he was reading Dean’s mind then he didn’t show it. He stood and Dean stood with him. “I’ll return you to Bobby’s now.”

Dean’s body acted of its own accord and surged forward, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s shoulders tightly. The angel hesitated for a moment before returning the embrace, circling Dean’s waist possessively. He didn’t give himself a chance to over-think or psych himself out before speaking. “Can I show you something, Cas? Like you showed me?”

Cas’ hand moved under Dean’s sleeve to fit over the scar again and Dean brought up the memory of trapping Raphael so long ago. Of the storm raging outside the house and of being soaked in rain water. He remembered the exhilaration of it and the excitement. The fact that it was Cas that he was with and the moment when he looked over to the angel, the timeless being older than he could ever hope to imagine, seeing him in Jimmy Novak’s body and thinking, _shit, I think I’m in love with him._

Castiel gasped and backed away from Dean in shock. Dean let his vision clear and rubbed the back of his neck with a shy grin. “Since we’re uh, clearing the air and everything, you know?” He chuckled nervously, but could see Castiel fighting not to smile. The angel nodded and allowed a pleased grin to pull at his lips. “If I need you once I’m back at Bobby’s, can I still…?”

“I will always come when you call, Dean.”

Dean smiled and embraced Castiel again, burying his head in his friend’s neck. Cas was doing the same to him, breathing deeply. He didn’t have much more time before they had to leave the room and go back to Bobby’s. Sam and Bobby would both panic if he just disappeared. He was taking what he could get while he could get it, hoping that after everything settled he and Castiel could take more time to explore whatever it was they had.

_I can still have faith…_


End file.
